Thinking About Prue
by SarahShalomDavid
Summary: Paige finds herself thinking about the eldest of her sisters; Prue. Wishing she could have known the legendary woman that her siblings loved so much.
1. Poor Replacement

_Dear Diary,_

 _I met Prue today, well not exactly in the typical manner, however I went to the past and saw her. She was beautiful, how can I compare to that? I feel like I am a poor replacement in a way for the amazing elder sister they had, although granted I am the youngest and not the eldest but still a poorly chosen replacement never the less. She was with Piper and Phoebe, they seemed so happy, peaceful, and joyful. It was clear how much love they had for each other, how much devotion and dedication to the others. Part of me wishes I could have known them back then, to have a chance to be in their lives and to be able to get to know Prue. However I seemed to have come into their lives shortly after the death of ... their favourite sister. How can I compete with a ghost?_

 _I always wanted to meet the famous, Prudence Halliwell, always wondered what she would look like, speak like, what she would say when she discovered I was her sister. Would she like me? Would she love me? Would she even accept me as her younger sister? Or would she deny my existence? Reject me? Push me away?_

 _Now I will never know because she's gone. I came into their lives too late and I wish so much that I could turn back time and save her, to meet her, speak with her, and to have her as a sister, but that chance has gone. That chance died with her. That chance was gone when her life was cut short. It isn't fair. How could the universe be so cruel as to have given me such amazing sisters yet refuse me the chance to meet my eldest sibling?_

 _I will never have her in my life, and this is the closest I will get. She doesn't know I'm watching, she doesn't know I exist, all I want to do is reach out to her, but I can't because I can't change history, and if I did, I don't know what the consequences would be. Would I be here with my sisters if I managed to change the past? What would happen in Phoebe's and Piper's lives? Would everyone be happier? Or would the future be a dreary and dark place?_

 _But I want her to be with us so much, for selfish reasons really because I just want to get to know her and have my eldest sister with us. Then again I know it would make both Piper and Phoebe happy. Should I turn back the hands of time and save her? Or let her keep her place in history? To leave her in the past when I could save her seems cruel. Was her death truly meant to be?_

 _Paige_

Sighing, the youngest of the Halliwell sisters closed the leather bound diary that lay on the soft cotton sheets of her bed. The woman lay diagonally across the bed with her legs slightly up in the air and kicking to and fro. She slid the pen into the holder that was attached to the side of the diary, it was two loops where one attached to the back board and one to the front board which effectively made the diary unable to open without moving the pen - not exactly a magical lock and rather easy to open but she didn't feel the need to lock it, what kind of demon would want to read a diary full of feelings anyhow?

Getting up from the bed she slipped the book into the underneath of her pillow cover and slipped her feet into a pair of soft and rather fluffy slippers before she went downstairs to meet her two sisters in the kitchen for breakfast.


	2. Chicken Broth

_Dear Diary,_

 _Sometimes I find it so hard because my thoughts wander to my missing sister; Prue. I see her photo on the wall and can't help but smile at the sight of her beautiful face and my heart fills with the empty feeling that comes with the fact that my sister is no longer here with us._

 _I desperately wish there was something I could do. I am half white lighter and half witch, I am a charmed one and yet for some reason I can't find a way to get her back. I know that changing the past would change the future without guarantee as to if that would be for the better or for the worst. Personally I believe a world with Prue would be much better than a world without her._

Paige put her pen down on top of the diary and stretched on the bed, she had been writing an increasing quantity of entries in her personal diary in a way to vent her feelings and often she would write more than one entry a day. Her writings however were scattered all over the place and written randomly rather than date by date which meant that on days that she wrote nothing, the space it should be would most likely be filled by another day's writing.

 _I keep studying the Book of Shadows but each and every time I read it, I can never find what I want to find. What I need to find. I keep looking for a way to bring back Pruedence Halliwell. My beautiful sister. My older sister. The woman who died before I even knew I had siblings. The woman who I love without ever meeting her. The woman who I want to make proud._

 _I look for potions and spells that could bring her back and yet fail each time. I wish I could turn back the hands of time. How can I miss a woman so much despite the fact I never even met her?_

 _I hear the stories about her from Phoebe and Piper but they aren't as close to the real thing that I wish it were. The stories however do make me feel so much more closer to her than I have ever been to her. I love to hear the stories of when they were young children even though I at times find myself feeling a little jealous because they got to grow up together and although I love my adoptive family, a part of me wishes that I had been able to grow up with my biological sisters. The sisters I love unconditionally._

 _Today, Phoebe was telling me a story about how Prue would take care of them when they were sick and how the woman always did it. Prue would insist on chicken broth and claim that it fixed literally anything. Of course it was a little overreaching because it can't fix everything. It can't fix this. It can't fix the fact that my sister is… dead. Gone… forever. I wish that chicken broth was as magical as Prue had once made it out to be because maybe it would bring her back. Maybe, just maybe it would heal the hole in my heart where my sister should be. The hole in this house. The hole in our home. Chicken broth can make you feel better when you don't feel well, help give nutrients when you struggle to eat and warm you when you feel cold but one thing it can't do… is bring back a loved one._

 _Paige_

The young woman closed her book and slipped it into her bedside drawer along with the pen, tears were on her cheeks and she reached up to roughly brush them away before she climbed under the covers to curl up in the warm material and reaching out her arm, she moved to flick the light switch turning off the beside lamp that had been the only light in the room. The room was suddenly dark and Paige closed her eyes with her thoughts remaining on he deceased sibling.


End file.
